Sister of Mello
by M.S DARK ANGEL
Summary: ‘Who are you?’ L asked monotonously. ‘Hi, I m Kitana, Mello s little sister, and the 4th.’ I said with a polite smile. yeah, this is a What-if story! there will be violence and swearing! \
1. Chapter 1

Warning:  
Humour. O.o.c-ness.  
Random-ness. Pranks.  
Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.  
Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,  
I only own the plot and Kitana.

Chapter 1 The arrival!

Kitana`s P.O.V A blonde teenage girl glared, (me!) before firing my sniper at my target. Hitting the heart, instant death, I wonder what big brother would say. Nice shot Kit! probably.  
'Perfect!' I smiled. My life wasn`t perfect it was difficult: I am a 16-year-old assassin, I have short, choppy blonde hair, blue eye, I got a serious injury in my right eye so I got a transplant from somebody called Beyond Birthday, -he was my blood-type it`s really rare- who died 3 days before the op. (R.I.P), I wear gothic or punk-style clothes, my name is Katyanne Kheel, but I`d prefer to just being called Kitana. I tilt my head ever-so-slightly, and lowered my firearm.  
'Hm, should`ve blasted his jugular. Not his chest, well, he`s dead now. How morbid Kit.' I muttered as I watched the target crumple to the floor as people screamed. Putting the sniper back in the case with my other guns and ammo, I exited from the rooftop via stairs. My phone rang pretty loudly, echoing through the stairwell.  
_#When it`s late at night, and you`re fast asleep I let my fingers do the walking, when I press record I become a fiend! When no- #_ (Pink fingers)  
'Hello? Oh, hiya mister Q huh? Me? Well, I`m conveniently in Tokyo ain`t that lucky? What`s up? Is Mello and Matt there? Near too? Perfect. Yeah, I`ll go, see-ya then.' I snapped my red and black nokia 5310 shut as I walk straight out of the building towards a parked motor-bike, customized with flames and chains. Smiling, I put on my extremely awesome helmet and starting up, I sped off with a grin on my face fit for a riot. _~Insanity? Check, strawberry jam? Check! ~_ I snicker. I love Strawberry jam it seems I have inherited Beyond`s habits as well as his shinigami eye.

10 minutes later...

'Damn cars, frigging trucks!' I growled, swerving as 1 almost hit me, I flipped them off, if 1 more vehicle tries to hit me again, I swear they are trying to kill me! The hotel I was told to go to is in sight. Bloody brilliant!  
'Gah! Stupid fucking bastards!!' I screamed at a guy with an Afro. He looked shocked, and then I did a wheelie, speeding up, faster than the speed limit. Got there in 5 minutes flat: by expertly driving on the pavement, smashing through a window, parking it in a corner of the lobby, walk to the desk, and asked the woman to let me go upstairs the woman looked terrified. I really don`t blame her. I think my pistols are sticking out.  
'Um, m-ma`am? Y-you can g-go up n-now.' she stuttered, I nodded my head in reply.  
'Ta, oh, just leave the bike there, I`ll be back for it later hide it behind a few plants if ya don`t wanna look at it. Ta Susan.' I say as I proceed to take the stairs, and then the lift, when I should`ve done earlier. How daft.

20 minutes later I finally got there. Yay me!

*Knock, knock*

The door opened, Watari told me to come in, behave and not make a racket. Jeez, I feel like I`m back in Wammy`s, except it`s Watari, not Rodger the codger.  
'MELLO!!!! MATT!!! NEAR!!! YOU`RE ALIIIIIVE!!!!!' I yelled at the top of my lungs. Watari groaned, face-palmed and walked off. The task force came in to witness our totally over-exaggerated epic reunion. Lolz! It was pretty funny.  
'WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU??!!' Mello shouted at me, Matt cheered loudly.  
'Everywhere! I`m like O-ren ishi!!' I exclaimed triumphantly. Matt gasped.  
'I`m like the godfather! Matt`s like Trunks!' Mello grinned as I hugged him tightly, Matt aww ed at our rare display of affection. He hugged me back, then let go.  
'What`s in the bag Kit?' Matt asked me, I dropped said object with a smirk, and said:  
'Where`s my cuddle Matty boy?'

'Right here.' He said, hugging me in a brotherly way. Finally pulling away.  
'Damn, you`ve changed! And you`ve developed well.' he blushed, as I scowled.  
'I have to agree with him.' Mello added into the conversation, I raised an eyebrow.  
'I say yours is the size of Tsunade`s, or maybe bigger.' Matt stated, as I quickly looked at my chest. Are they really that big? Just then I realised what he had actually meant by saying that.  
'Oh, shut it Jiraya! You too Kakashi!' I death glared. The dirty perverts!  
'Erm, Kitana-san? How was your journey?' I heard a small voice ask. I turned around.  
'Hiya Near, no suffixes please, it was okay, I guess almost got hit by a Porsche, a bus, a truck, some twat in a van and a old woman.' I told him, after I hugged him, Near hugged back, ignoring the death-glare Mello gave him. He was actually taller than me when he stood and straightened up.  
Matt`s 6 00, Mello`s 5 9, Near`s 5 5, and I`m a tiny 5 1. I`m 16, Near`s also 16, Matt`s 17, and Mello`s 19. According to Near, L is 25-years-old, is a sugar-addict, and is insomniac. Brilliant! I bet he`s a giant too.  
'Hmm, who`s your favourite transformer?' I asked the albino.  
'Optimus Prime.' He said, showing me said transformer, I grinned cheekily.  
'Mine`s either Bumble-bee or Iron hide. And that goofy 1.' I replied.  
'Mud flap?'

'I think that`s his name.'

Then more adults came bustling in.  
'Hey guys! There was this kid on a motorbike, who swore at Aziwa-san, and did a really cool trick, the kid drove on the back wheel up the street, and then we found the very same bike parked in the middle of the lobby!' somebody shouted out from behind me.  
'What? Be right back! Nobody better of touched me fucking bike!!' I shouted, as I ran out the door, past an afro-man.  
'Bike? I bet you`ve got ghost rider`s bike! Matt called behind me.  
15 minutes later...

'Hmm? It seems to be okay off up!' I sighed, as I began the trek upstairs.  
Another 15 minutes later...

'The bike`s ok, although I fell on the stairs...' I trailed off when I saw the trio who I grew up with looking in my guitar case. Watari glowered at me, he must`ve opened it I resisted the urge to laugh by looking at my socks decorated with cows.  
'Why have you brought firearms with you?' Watari asked, no, demanded. Eep!  
'I...um, needed them sir.' I replied, shuffling my socked cow-covered feet, acting shy, for some reason I say "Sir. or Miss." when shouted at.  
'You needed them?' he asked me.  
'Yes, sir for my job.' I shrugged, waiting for the next question:  
'Which is?'

'I`m a hired assassin sir.' I said without betraying any emotion. He nodded.  
'Not any more, you will help out with the Kira case. Am I clear?' he told me coldly.  
'Crystal, mister Q.' I nod in agreement.  
And with that all said and done, he took all of my weapons and walked off.  
'Oi, shift, that`s my spot.' I said grinning, as Matt, Mello and Near made space for me to sit down with them, I sighed.  
'Assassin huh? Sure you`re not a hunter-nin? Cuz you`d make a helluva Haku.' The game-boy Matt told me after I was told of the Kira case and of the Kiras themselves.  
'I know where you sleep.' I teased back.  
'Hmm, I can imagine you on a wanted poster WANTED!! For the murder of the Yakuza!' Mello snickered, pretending to take photos with an imaginary camera. Near looked up from his Lego buildings.  
'Hm, "the culprits are believed to be a trio consisting of a 2 teenage boys and a girl, they were last seen robbing a bank!"!!' He said, imitating a news reader, as we burst out laughing, I fell over giggling.  
'Haha! Stop it!' I cried out, Mello grinned.  
'Why? Is Near`s prediction correct?' he asked, the mischievous grin still present.  
'Maybe, that`s if you wanna do it or not.' I grinned back, as Matt changed games.  
We stopped laughing right on cue: Watari had walked in with a black-haired pale guy with a white baggy top, and faded jeans. I looked at the floating red letters above his head. _~It says L Lawliet fuck! That`s L! I better wait for him to introduce himself, with an alias no doubt, I don`t blame him, with Kira knocking about. ~_ I thought to myself, not wanting to see the lifespan.  
'Good morning.' L said, walking to a black swivel chair, before halting and staring at me. I stared right back at him.  
'Who are you?' L asked monotonously.  
'Hi, I`m Kitana, Mello`s little sister, and the 4th.' I said with a polite smile.  
'Hello Kitana, I am L, but you can call me Ryuuzaki.' L-er-Ryuuzaki replied, before I grabbed and shook his hand, let go, as I was dragged away by Mello and Matt.  
'Let`s chip Kit, and sit down like miss priss!' Matt smiled, as I smirked, knowing what he meant by saying that. translation: let`s get outta here Kit, and let them do all the dirty work gotta love Matt-speak, he`s a genius.  
'Where`s the kitchen?' I asked, suddenly hungry, Mello flicked his blonde hair.  
'This way sis, c`mon Matt.' He states, as me and Matt walked next to Mello. I spied them holding hands as we left Near with his Lego.  
'Aww, since when were you 2 an item?' I asked them. Matt and Mello blushed.  
'Um since we were 11.' Mello smiled.  
'Wow, you 2 kept it quiet, didn`t ya?' I said, impressed on how long they were together, but then again, they were always seen together, if you looked for Matt, you will find Mello and vice versa.  
'But you musn`t tell anybody we will tell when everything`s calmed down.' Mello said.

'I won`t tell, nii-nii.' I said, imitating Satoko from Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni.  
'Now that`s just creepy.' Matt told me, I just grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

Warning:  
Humour. O.o.c-ness.  
Random-ness. Pranks.  
Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.  
Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,  
I only own the plot and Kitana.

Chapter 2 I have my reasons!

The case seemed to just drag. I helped out, so did Near, Mello and Matt. In hopes of making the atmosphere lighter, I said random quotes from movies I had seen.  
Stop it you 2! Raito Yagami had shouted, when me and Mello were shooting each other with elastic bands. Mello said no.  
'Why so serious?' I recited perfectly in the Joker`s voice, Matt gasped in surprise.  
'who watching the Dark Knight ? Nobody, it was me! I can imitate anybody!' I replied proudly as I walked into the kitchen.  
'Cool!' Matt`s voice called out, I gasped as I saw L perched on a chair, eating some cake.  
'Hiya Ryuuzaki.' I said, opening to the fridge, to get my delicious strawberry jam.  
'Where`s the jam gone? I swear there was some...' I whine, irritated. No jam! Diabolical!  
'Jam? What kind?' L asked softly.  
'Strawberry my favourite, why do you ask?' I asked, raising an eyebrow. L stared as I swept the hair from my face. He saw my eye.  
'Y-your eye! How did-' I cut him off.  
'A year or 2 ago, I got a serious injury in my right eye so I got it removed, and a optical transplant from somebody called Beyond Birthday, -he was my blood-type it`s really rare- he died just days before the operation. I explained, as L nodded in reply.  
'I think I inherited some of his habits too, I don`t think I ever liked jam before, or horror movies and manga as much as I do now or imitate perfectly.' I mused aloud.  
'What does that eye of yours see?' L asked.  
'It`s like my other eye, but, I can see people`s real names and life-spans.' I confessed, L`s inky black eyes widened a quarter of a centimetre. He slid off his chair and walked towards me.  
'I don`t believe you, tell me my name then.' L whispered in my ear. I looked above his head.  
'It`s L Lawliet isn`t it.' I whispered back.  
'Yes, it is.' he gasped, I stared at my feet: which are decorated with fishes. Hehe.  
'Nice socks. Who else knows of your ability?' L asked I smile pinching a mint from a bowl.  
'Mello says it`s a membership gift from Hell, Matt is convinced I have devil genes or summat daft- and Near doesn`t really care.' I shrugged, as L smirked at me.  
'What?' I asked, curiously. His smirk widens.  
'Kira mentioned something about shinigami, can you see them?' he asked, I nodded.  
'Unfortunately. Be glad you can`t see them. They are hideous!' I declared as L snickered.  
'I`m serious! I`ve only seen 2, but they are monstrosities, I`m surprised I haven`t had nightmares yet!' I carried on with a giggle.  
'Hmm, when you see 1, ask it who Kira is because, to be honest, we hit a dead end.' L said, running a hand in raven locks.  
'Aye, aye cap`n Ryuuzaki!' I mock-saluted, L, merely rolled his eyes. I grinned as we slowly walked back to the computer room, talking about things not having to do with the Kira case: like favourite types of cake and if fan manga is better than original manga.

5 minutes later...

'Ryuuzaki, where have you been?' Watari asked in a grand-fatherly way.

'Where the FUCK were you?!' Mello yelled, I grin as he smirked and walked to me.  
'Oh, for fuck`s sake.' Matt groaned, pulling Near towards the task force.  
'Not for noses.' I smirked back as he nods before rugby-tackling me to the floor.  
'TIMBER!!!' we yelled, before we started to wrestle. WWE style! Matt and Near cheered us on.  
'Fight! Fight! Fight!' they chanted as we fought viciously, the fact we were siblings made no difference what-so-ever.  
'Let go of ma hair!' Mello yells, as I winced.  
'Let go of me arm 1st!' I shouted back as my arm was twisted painfully behind my back.  
'Never!' he growled as I kicked his legs.  
We eventually let go only to punch each-other in the face. Hard. I was kicked in the stomach, Mello got scratched on his chest.

A few minutes later...

'THAT`S ENOUGH!!!!' Watari shouted. We froze in shock: I was twisting Mello`s arm, he managed to sink his teeth in my shoulder.  
'Let go of each-other! You are siblings! You should care for each-other, not BEAT EACH-OTHER UP!!! both of you APOLOGISE!!!' He roared (via big-head-no-jutsu) as we let go, and was forced to apologise. We did as we were told, only to thump each-other behind his back.


	3. Chapter 3

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

Chapter 3

I predict a riot!

'Raito-kun…so I heard yous like booblets…or was it cocklets?' I asked with a straight face. Matt nearly died laughing, Mello was laughing his leather arse off, Near was in stitches, I knew L was trying not to laugh at the look on Raito`s face: he looked like he was about to go Hulk on me. Well, I _had_ been jabbing him with a wooden spoon tied to a ruler, then using direct quotes from stuff like Angry Kid, The Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park, Little Britain and my personal favourite: The Catherine Tate Show. And if that wasn`t bad enough, L managed to bribe me with jam and sweets so I would sing some really annoying songs like: Gummy Bear, Spider-Pig, Hollaback Boy, I`m Blue, I`ve Got A Jar Of Dirt, This is Sparta, Stupid MF, Kung Fu Fighting, What`s Up People! Ninja Of The Night, The Crazy Frog, Also a few nursery songs, so Raito was fuming. I glanced over to Ryuuzaki who waved some strawberry jam as if to say to me, "Go on". I gave a creepy grin that would make Beyond proud. Grins like that came naturally.

'Madness? This…is…SPARTAAAAAA!!!!!!!!' I yelled as Ryuuzaki then smiled a similar smile.

10 torturous minutes later…

I eventually got bored and decided to get my reward: a large-ish cooler full to the max with jars and jars of strawberry jam. Yummy!

'Nom, nom, nom!' I ate another handful of red. It was my 6th jar, I didn`t use a spoon, but I really tempted to use a knife, but I went against the idea.

'What? Never seen a girl eat jam before?' I glared. I was cross-legged on the floor, eating jam with my bare hands, my was-white shirt is now splattered red, and my black jeans had gotten another tear. I felt people staring at me. Resisting the urge to kill, I decided to give a nasty death-threat.

'Keep staring and I`ll cut you up so bad, your own fucking mother can`t recognise you!!' I snarled at Raito and his bitch-I mean-Misa.

'How many times must I tell you, Kitana, don`t kill my suspects.' Ryuuzaki said from his computer.

'Sorry, it`s a really bad habit. It`s Beyond me how I got it.' I replied through a mouthful of jam. Matt held up a Joker card as I grinned sadistically.

'Hehe. "Let`s put a smile on that face!" '

'Kitana…!' L glared at me, I drooped my head in mock embarrassment.

'Sorry.' Was my reply, I didn`t care really.

Raito just walked over to his father as Misa continued to glare at me for threatening them.

'Ya know, if Ryuuzaki hadn`t barred Kitana from actually going through with her threats, you`d all be in pieces by now.' Mello smirked from his swivel chair, Misa gasped in shock.

'No! She wouldn`t be able to!' she cried.

'Actually, she would. If she really wanted to, she would go J.V on you.' Matt stated, turning his PS3 on the T.V in front of him.

'What does "J.V" mean?' Matsuda asked.

'It means "Jason Voorhees"' Mello smirked as he bit a piece of off. My bloody hand is stuck.

'W-would you really kill us?' Matsuda stammered, then everybody was watching our reactions.

'Yep, I used to kill for money and kicks…but I`m not allowed to anymore.' I pouted, trying to get my hand out of the jar, I started to shake my arm.

'Argh! Gerroff me, ya pillock!' I growled, smacking it on the carpeted floor. I spied Matt and Mello sneaking out of the room, _holding hands_.

'Is your hand stuck?' Near asked, as I attempted to pull it off with my feet. It was an epic fail.

'Yeah…help?' was my reply, he sat next to me.

'Ever thought of twisting it?' Near said as he gently twisted it off my wrist/hand.

'Thankies!' I grinned when I was freed I ended up kissing his cheek! And I gave him a cuddle.

'Y-you`re w-welcome…' Near stuttered, turning into a million shades of red. Wow, nice reds.

'Uh, Near? You ok? Ya kinda gone red.'

'I`m good.'

'Ya sure? Near-chan?' I teased, adding the suffix only to embarrass him further.

'Kitana-chan, please do not do this in front of the task-force, and you said yourself, "no suffixes".' The albino told me after righting himself.

'Ya got me there…are you building a fortress…around me?' I asked, suddenly noticing the 1ft Lego walls around me.

'Yes, it seems you are trapped.' He said quietly as I raised an eyebrow, then an idea popped into my head, not violent for once. Shock horror (!)

'Who will save me then?' I gasp dramatically.

'Maybe a prince.' Near said as the walls grew.

'I hope he`s the 1 behind my prison. Otherwise I will remain here, fated to sit in this cell forever, and ever and ever.' I sighed, acting the role.

'And yes, before you ask. It`s you.' I grinned at him, Near gave a small genuine smile.

'You should smile more often. You look very princely.' I said softly to him as the smile faded.

'I will only grace you with my smile…only if you give me something in return.' He replied.

'Like what?' I asked as he built some spires.

'A hug per smile.' Near said, putting them up.

'And toss in a few ways to infuriate im-a-gay and we have a deal!' I smirked at him.

'Deal. No weird noises and I don`t want groping either.' Near told me sternly, or trying to be stern.

'No fair.' I pouted, Near rolled his eyes at me.

'Why do you call him "Im-a-gay"?' he asked.

'It`s his last name backwards, and I know he has the hots for Ryuuzaki. I`d bet my manga and jam on it, I`ve even seen him give Ryuuzaki lusty bed-room eyes.' I explained my theory.

'Have you told Mello and Matt yet?' Near asked. I shook my head. He tilted his in mock thought.

'It would seem better if you told them.'

'Told them what?' Mello asked as he walked in with Matt in tow. I waved them over.

'That Raito is madly in love with Ryuuzaki. Not to mention Raito`s last name backwards is "im-a-gay" too. Them 2 are always together, I wonder if they sleep together as well…what if they shower together too?' I began to ask myself. Matt snickered as he pulled a PSP out.

'L`s body must be a sight to see, if Raito wants to keep him all to himself.' Mello said as they both sat down with them. I felt a grin creep across my face.

'Yep, like you do with Matt, innit Mel?' I grinned as the couple blushed, then nodded.

'Ya know, L and Raito are only a few feet behind us.' Near pointed out, making us suddenly look for them. I saw Raito ready to kill somebody, as L was tapping away at the keyboard crazily. Looking for footage I bet. Is it just me, or was L grinning?

'And judging by Raito`s reaction. Kitana may be correct in her accusations.' Near stated.

'I AM NOT GAY!!!!! AND I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH RYUUZAKI!!! ALRIGHT?! OR IS THAT TOO HARD FOR YOU 4 TO UNDERSTAND??!!!' Raito yelled at us.

I managed to catch what L said in Spanish that very much sounded like _"is that so? Bondage tonight."_ and with those words my theory was confirmed. Raito is L`s bitch. I bet I looked perverted.

'Hell YEAH!!!!' I suddenly shouted, as my best friends laughed (Mello and Matt) or smirked (Near) I gave Mello a "Keehl" look, he grinned back.

'You simply deny the truth! You`re L`s bitch!' Mello shouted back at him as Mr Yagami gasped.

'Why else would you stare at him so much? I know he`s awesome an all, but still!' I yelled as Matt cracked up laughing hysterically.

'I AM NOT RYUUZAKI`S BITCH!!!!!' Raito all but screamed. I wonder if he`s like that in the bed-room as well. My big bro had the same thought.

'You sure like screaming. You do that in your…ahem…"Private" time?' Mello asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Raito glared at us.

'Mello`s right, I bet you`re a screamer.' I snickered, I think Raito`s death glare is lol!

'If that`s the worst glare you can give us, then that`s the most pathetic thing I`ve ever seen.' Matt smirked, Near silently observed us.

'Have you seen Mello and Kitana when they`re _both_ pissed off and _homicidal?'_ Matt continued, and then pointed to the only wall that wasn`t covered in movie, game and various anime posters, had a ton of knife, bullet holes and jam in the wall.

'That poor wall suffered the brunt of the attack, imagine what it would be like if it you was that wall? Or you was in their line of fire perhaps?'

*Silence*

'Thought so.' And that is was the best way to end a conversation. Go Matt!

'I wonder what it would be like to die.' I mused, before Mello thumped me on the arm. Hard.

'Oi, you`ve already died and came back. Remember L.A?' he growled, before I snickered.

'Oh, yeah…why did you slash my face up?' I asked him, my fellow blonde shrugged.

'Dunno, the same reason you blasted me to hell and back.' Was his reply. Cue the shocked gasps.

Matsuda walked towards us and plopped down next to Matt, who took a swig of the red-bull can next to him…wait, how the heck did that get there?

'You guys…are insane, did you know that?' the police officer told us, I grinned at him.

'We`ve been here for a month and a half, and you just figured that out (?)' I stated as I wiggled my feet, which were covered with ginger-bread men.

'What`s with you, and those crazy socks?!' Mello asked as he pointed at my socks.

'Meh, I like these kind of socks, they`re awesome.' I replied, drastically changing the topic.

'It was fishes yesterday!' he carried on, I merely smiled at him before I was gonna correct him.

'Actually, they were cows. It was fishes 2 days ago, Mels.' Matt smiled as I gave him a thumbs-up.

'Yeah, listen to ya lover!' I said as I went back into the Lego prison.


	4. Chapter 4

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

I hope you guys like it! ^¬\)

Chapter 4

Cosplay?

It was during the time when Misa started complaining that she needed her friends, so L thought it might be nice if she has people with her, and triple the surveillance of course.

'Yo, Misa! Can I have moment of your time please?' I called, kicking the door open, and making her friends jump at my entrance.

'What do you want?' she yelled at me, as I smirked pulling my slashed ninja head-band down, covering my shinigami-eye Kakashi-style.

'Well, I was wondering if you have any hair dye, cuz I`m outta the stuff.' I told her, pointing at my fringe that had black dye growing out.

'Huh? I only have blue, pink and purple.' She replied, as the other girls stared at my clothes. I was wearing a strait-jacket but half the sleeves were torn off, so my arms were free, and a pair of frayed and torn jeans, complete with bare feet.

'Gimme the blue dye then…please?' I asked her, attempting to not look dangerous. She nodded, and went off to go get it. I looked at all the rich people.

'Thanks.' I smiled and glance over my shoulder to see Mello strutting into the room, clad in leather.

'Kitana! Where are my guns?' he asked me

'In the corner of my room next to my Zangetsu Zanpakuto.' I told him as Misa handed me the dye. Mello nodded and walked back out.

'Thanks Misa, gotta go…cuz knowing my brother, he`ll shoot me again, and then we`ll end up nearly killing each other and possibly decimate everybody else. Again. See-ya!' I said as I skipped out, fully aware of their shocked stares.

20 minutes later…

I had just finished rinsing the blue dye mix out, when Matt started yelling behind the door. I opened the door, only to see Matt being dragged by his legs to his and Mello`s room. Screaming blue murder.

'Meh, nothing new there…he should be used to Mello having his wicked way with him. What do you think?' I shrugged, and began to dry my hair. I continued to speak to the mirror, knowing full well that there was a camera installed in it, to ensure that me and the boys don`t go Hulk vs. Abomination in here again. Mister Q was not impressed, I tell ya.

'Now it won`t fail an- shit! Ahh! My hair`s gone green!' I yelped when I yanked off the towel I was using. I stared at my reflection in shock. Quickly pulling my jacket back on, I stomped out of the bathroom. _~My hair! It`s bloody green! Just my luck! Mascara`s smudged to hell! Of all days! I look like the goddamn Joker! ~_ I growled, stomping over to Misa`s room and kicked the door open, scaring her posh friends, I put on red lip-stick and smeared it like Joker`s. I think I left my head-band!

'Misa! Where the fuck are you- Misa! Get outta my way!' I snarled, kicking some random guy out of my path to the now-shaking blonde model.

'What the FUCK did you give me?' I snarled at her, wanting to kill the bitch then and there.

'H-hair dye. I-I got it f-from a store c-called "Grin".' She stuttered out. I glared right at her.

'Grin, has shit hair-dye! I wanted to look like Grimmjow Jeagerjaques! Now I look like the bloody Joker! Gah! Only I, a Yakuza boss, could get some air-headed actress, to fuck this up!' I exploded and I kicked the empty sofa with enough force, to send it flying into a wall and I stormed off. I found myself stood in the middle of mine, Mello, Matt and Near`s apartment floor, I`m my room.

'Bit extreme don`t ya think, Kit?' a voice hissed in my ear. I jumped and began looking around to Matt playing with a kunai. He gave me a look that I haven`t seen since I left Wammy House: the I`m-1-of-B.B`s-successors-and-I-will-kill-anybody-who-gets-in-my-way look. I give the very same look back, guess I better explain whose successors we are. Okay, Matt and I were chosen for our brutality, love for blood-shed and the fact Beyond Birthday seemed to like us, however, Mello and Near were chosen by L for their mental stability, love of solving things and the fact that L Lawliet liked them. I never told anybody (minus L, Mello and Near) that Beyond taught us, and that he was my donor, he planned that, if he was killed and I was in a accident. He would transplant his eyes, blood and possibly his heart. Matt got some of his blood, and his lungs. (Since I accidentally stabbed 1 of his, when I was PMS-ing, and he had been taunting me to no end.) We both have our psycho moments at times.

'Hello? Kitana? You alive in there?' Matt`s voice broke me out of memory lane. Ahh, good times…

'Huh? Oh, sorry…just thinking bout what B said.' I told him, Matt gave a small smile and hugged me.

'Ya know, we could just go and kill a few zombies…' he said, adjusting his goggles in blood-red hair, he examined my hair. Stupid tall-ness!

'Yeah, that`d be a wicked idea…and suppose I found out that Raito and Misa have a bit of a blood-phobia.' I told him, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

'Hmm…we could accidentally play Mortal Kombat, or House of the Dead 4…' Matt trailed. I smirked, I walked over to a trunk in the corner of the room that said "K.K`s Cosplay! GTFO!" scrawled on the side, kicking it open, I pulled out a gigantic top hat (imagine the Mad Hatter`s from the movie) and a crown with hearts all over it and pulled out a few pimp-canes, 1 pair with blood-red eyes (fake, _of course_, not to mention the _very real_ sword hidden in them.) on the tips, with a straw-berry on the tips instead the creepy eyes. I shut my trunk and smiled.

'Here Matt Hatter…it seems that you left this in the morgue by accident.' I grinned up at him, handing him the hat and a pimp-eye-cane.

'Well, my queen…it seems I have.' Matt laughed, now donning his hat and me wearing my crown.

'I`m the Red Queen, and you are the Mad Hatter…or should I call you the "Matt Hatter" instead?' I asked, twirling my pimp-cane.

'Matt Hatter…who`s the Blue Caterpillar?' Matt replied, tapping his cane on random objects.

'Um, mister Q?' I suggested as we walked out of my room to find the boys. Matt laughed.

'Okay, White Rabbit?'

'That`s easy…Near!'

'Dormouse?'

'The 1 who likes stabbing things?'

'Yep, that`s the 1.'

'Mello?' at that we started to giggle at the thought of Mello popping out of a tea-pot, guns blaring.

'Cheshire Cat?'

'L. have you _seen_ his smile? Looked like B when he had that wanna-be thug at his mercy, all he needed was red eyes and a bloodied shirt. Double.' I stated, as Matt`s grin got a bit more sinister.

'Whoa…good times…Alice?' Matt sighed, twatting a vase with his pimp-cane. I shrug as it shattered on the laminate flooring.

'Raito?'

'Raito?'

'Yeah, have you seen the way Alice kept looking at Cheshire? Like she wanted to rape him. Same in this dimension.' I replied, as Matt laughed.

'Haha! Now that you mention it…pfft! Who`s –hehe- tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb?'

'Well, it`s gotta be Misa and Matsuda. Both are retards.' I drawled, as we got closer to the main investigation room.

'Hm, how bout the March Hare?' Matt asked, as fiddled with his hat, and put his goggles on properly while I adjusted my crown over my red hair. (I was wearing my Poison Ivy wig.)

'It would be Beyond…but he`s kinda dead…' I trailed off. Matt gave me a look under his orange tinted lenses, before he slung an arm around me.

'Reckon he`s a shinigami now?' he asked, I shrugged a red shoulder. We walked into the rooms where the task-force are working on catching Kira.

'Prolly…since he`s like…part shinigami…and he now can kill to his heart`s content…' I smirked as the others looked at us in shock as Matt nodded.

'Yeah, can you imagine how proud he would be of us? "Oh, Matt-kun, Kitana-chan! You can kill like me! Hey, let`s murder and drink our victims` blood and devour their corpses to celebrate!" haha!' Matt laughed as I doubled over laughing.

'Ahem, if you 2 continue talking about your lives _before_ the Kira case, you know where the door is.' Near cut in sharply. Matt clapped a hand over my mouth, before giving Near a sheepish look.

'Sorry Near! We- hehe! -Forgot!' he told him, before dragging me towards L and Raito.

'Why do I even bother telling you guys off?' Near retorted as he and Mello followed us to L.

'Care to explain why?' L asked us, not looking impressed by the previous conversation, Raito looks like he had sucked on a lemon.

'It`s a loooooong story…y`know, back in the day.' Matt told him. L nodded, obviously knowing what Matt meant, Raito however…

'You both are serial killers?' he shouted at us, I rolled my mis-matched eyes and walked up to him.

'In order to catch a murderer…you need to think like 1…and what better way, than to have a murderer working with you on the case?' I told him, smirking. Matt appeared at my left, Mello on the right-hand side.

'Mello, Matt, Kitana and I were trained in cases like these, but I didn`t expect Mello and Kitana to become trained assassins. Nor did I expect Matt to be just as bad. But I did expect myself to get dragged into something like this…' Near stated from behind us, Mello shrugs in reply as he started chomping on his chocolate.

'Meh, so what if we can kill people…we`ve promised not to kill anybody…apart from the occasional criminal on death row.' Mello stated.

'How do we know that you won`t go back on your so-called "promise" then?' Misa and Matsuda yelled as Matt sparked up, took a drag, and blew smoke in their faces.

'We _always_ keep our promises…we swore on our honour.' Matt replied, now blowing out rings.


	5. Chapter 5

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

Chapter 5

Luck!

I heard my phone ring from across the room.

_#They`re coming to take me away, Ha-ha! They`re coming to take me away, Ho-ho! Hee-hee-haa-haa! To the funny farm. Where life is beautiful all the time, and I`ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they`re coming to take me away, ha-ha! They`re- #_ I ran over to get it, before Mister Q takes it off of me. Again.

'Hello? Yes this is Kitana. What? Calm down Koumori! What the fuck happened? Is everybody alright? Oh, that`s brilliant! Who in their right mind would attack you guys?' I said into my phone. I started to pace.

'Hey, Kitana? What`s happened?' Matt asked, gently hitting my hip with his pimp-cane for my attention.

'My ANBU just got jumped by a gang called "Yotsuba" and 4 of my people are injured, 3 are in the hospital, and 2 are dead.' I said, still pacing.

'Yotsuba? Where have I heard that before?' Matt muttered, then he looked at L for answers.

'The only upside is that my people are not critical, and they managed to take out 5 thugs and filched a black book. Yotsuba was _protecting_ it.' I smiled.

'Yeah, send Inu and Hebi to me with the book, when you guys are up to it.' I told her. (Koumori)

'Okay, good…also make sure the medics have all the supplies they need in order to get us outta this fix…alright, see you then, ja-ne!' I replied before hanging up, went over to Near and glomped him.

'K-Kitana?' he asked as I grinned at him.

'Hi Near!' I replied before burying my face in his neck. I heard Mello and Matt snicker at us. (mostly Near.)

'I know that you fancy me…Near.' I smiled as he froze up. Aww! poor thing has no idea how to react!

'W-what?' he said in a very small voice. I let go of him and pushed Misa into the wall for the hell of it.

'As long as my family is safe, the A.N.B.U is safe, and the Fuzz are safe from Kira…it`s all good for me.' I smiled as I flung myself onto the sofa.

'Fuzz? A.N.B.U?' Raito asked me, as Mello sat on my legs. (I was laid on the sofa.)

'It`s American slang for "police" and ever watched "Naruto"? I kinda nicked the name of the hokage`s secret guards off it, since I used to cosplay the 4th hokage…speaking of which, I need to cosplay Madara/Tobi or Deidara.' I replied as Matt sat on the arm of the sofa and Near sat on the floor, close to my head.

'What`s with you and manga villains?' Near asked, as he started to put Lego people on my chest and stomach.

'They`re awesome! Plus, you should think bout somebody…like Hidan, Kakashi, or Sephiroth or…Kimmimaro…preferably somebody with silver hair, cuz you`d feel uncomfortable in a wig, and you wouldn`t dye your hair, so…' I trailed off.

'You want me to cosplay as who now?' Near asked, poking my bare arm in random places.

'Sephiroth? And I take it that you`re going as Cloud?' Matt`s voice broke me outta of my thought-bubble.

'Uh, yeah…for the fan-service… of course.' I replied as Near stopped prodding me, eyes wide…I think he realised what I meant. I happen to be a yaoi fan-girl and Sephiroth/Cloud is 1 of my favourite slash pairings.

'What? What bout me and Mels?' Matt asked me, I grinned up at him, and Mello shifted a bit to show he is still there, and turned his head to watch me/us.

'Deidara/Sasori? Or Naruto/Gaara?' I suggested?

'Yeah, Mello would make a perfect Deidara…both effeminate and love blowing shit up!' Matt laughed.

'Yeah, and their best friend is a red-headed killing artist!' I grinned: Matt raised his goggles and smirked at me.

'Hn, my art is eternal…and you think what I did back then was brilliant, you have yet to see what I`m capable of now!' he replied, handing me a folded picture of sorts.

'Look at it in a bit.' I smiled, sticking it in my jeans pocket, only to get another 1, by Mello this time.

'Ta, anything to show me Near?' I lightly teased him, he simply handed me my jam and smiled at us.

'Will this suffice?' he said in his usual soft monotone, I nodded and began to eat. I`m a messy eater...so what.

'You should use a spoon…it`s cleaner and you won`t get it everywhere.' I looked up to see Ryuuzaki stood in front of me. Mello thumped me so I could move.

'Ah, sorry bout that…' I told them, scooting closer to Matt and pulling my legs in like L`s. soon me, Mello, Near, Matt and L were sat on the leather sofa comfortably. _~kyehaha! The Wammy kids rule! ~_

'It`s quite alright, Kitana-chan…this sofa is a capable of having only 3 people…yet there 5 of us seated comfortably.' L stated from his seat next to me. Matt and Near are on the sofa too. We are just that awesome!

'We`re just to epically awesome, the sofa has to make itself bigger! Plus we are the Wammy Kids…you can`t beat that level of awesome-ness!' Matt laughed from his corner. The seating pattern was like this: Matt, Mello, L, me, Near. All squished comfortably together.

'Indeed so. I wonder what Watari will serve us today…' Near mused, pulling my jar from my hands, putting the lid back on, putting it on the floor and wiping my hands and face with a wipe…wait, what the fuck just happened? He came outta fuckin` nowhere!

'Wha? Near! I was eating that!' I growled at him, I was about to flick his nose (he really hates it) when Ryuuzaki elbowed me, and nodded to his left. I peered over his legs to only just see Mello snogging the hell outta Matt! Wow, is it just me, or is it suddenly hot in here? L cleared his throat making them split apart and look at us sheepishly. I wolf-whistled at them, making them blush.

'Now that you both have finished playing tonsil hockey…' L started, causing them to blush harder.

'…I am letting the 4 of you help out in the Kira case, Watari wasn`t pleased, but we need all the help we can get right now…' L drawled, I noticed in that moment of time, Raito was sat on the floor by L`s feet. I nudged him and pointed at the brunette at his feet, Near rested his head on my shoulder, I played with his hands.

'He is _so_ L`s bitch…' he whispered in my ear, I giggled, as he lifted his head up and tried to take his hand away, key-word being tried. I refused to let go of them.

'Yeah, do you understand how weird it sounds when you talk like that?' I asked, grabbing his other hand.

'Not particularly…' he replied, still attempting to rescue his hands from mine. This must`ve given L a idea cuz…

'Toe attack!' (1) L announced as he repeatedly poked Raito in the head with his big toe, making me laugh at his antics. I heard Mello laughing and Matt cackling, I didn`t know whether to pity Raito, or laugh at him…nah, I`d rather laugh at him. I heard Matt say "jab him harder!"

'Hmm, resorting to violence are we L?' Near said in his quiet mutter. I stifled a giggle behind my hand.

'Pardon?'

'Near said, "Resorting to violence are we L?" ' I told him. He nodded, putting his toes onto Raito and tangling them in his hair, and pulling hard.

'Get off Ryuuzaki! Ow! Get your foot away from my hair! Please get off! Ouch! Stop it!' Raito cried out, man, does that guy have a low pain tolerance or what?

'#Frosty the pervert, in a trench-coat he did go, to the school-yard to expose his dick and balls made out of snow…#' I softly sang, I paused, then burst out laughing hysterically. (2) Making everybody stop and stare at me. L simply rested his feet on Raito`s head and shoulder…he looks really weird like that.

'She just sang a perverse song…' Near explained, as they all looked away at that, obviously used to me by now.

'Kyehahahaa!' I cackled, Matt laughed at me, Mello was trapped in a laughing fit `cause of me. 20 minutes! That`s how long it took for us to calm down!

'L, you look weird sat like that…not the cool weird, either.' I told him. L pulled his legs back into that awesome crouching position that nobody else can do.

'It felt…strange to sit like that too.' He replied as Raito sighed when he thought he could get away, L kicked him in the arse! Mello, Matt and I burst out laughing hysterically when Raito crashed into Misa and into the wall. L held his arms in the air so we could hi-5 him.

'BITCH GOT PWNED!' Matt and me yelled, as Near, L and Mello laughed their arses off. (3)

-T.B.C-

Tobi: yay! Another chappie done! I`m sorry for the late-ness! It`s just lack of reviews tend to discourage me a bit.

(1) my big brother used to do this to me when we were kids, then I scratched the fuck outta his foot…he learned his lesson well. XD

(2) I _always_ do that, usually on the bus, or in public places! Usually other rhymes I mutilated and remixed.

(3) this happened just last week, me and my cousins got bored at a party, so we decided to send my cousin`s sister flying into the dinner table…it was pretty funny, she was shocked as to how _far_ she went. XD ^_\)

Rate and review please! ^_\)


	6. Chapter 6

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

Chapter 6

A sexy peanut?

'Penis is good for you…especially when doused in semen…' Matt muttered in his sleep. He had fallen asleep on me and Mello…I managed to wriggle out from under them. Why the hell are we sleeping in a lift?

'Um, help?' I heard a voice behind me: I turn around to see Near trying to get out from under Mello the human duvet.

'Hang on!' I told him, and practically dragged him out from under big brother, who then was cuddled by Matt.

'aww…cute…where`d my phone go?' I asked myself as Near crawled into a corner of the lift. I fished it out from my bag. I quickly snapped a few photos of them, then I turned the camera on Near and took a few, then on myself, then the both of us.

'Kitana, I have a question: why did we wake up in a elevator with a load of vodka bottles?' he asked as I stowed my camera away. I crawled up to him. I shrugged, sitting next to him.

'no idea…I hope nobody noticed that we got drunk and passed out in a lift…' I muttered, Near shook his head as I stood up.

'get up! get up you 2, we`re gonna get in a load of shit-load of trouble!' I snapped, kicking them repeatedly.

'I hope I didn`t come in my pants again…' Near muttered in the corner. I stared at him, shocked.

'what? I`m a young teenage boy. Get over it.' he retorted. Before I could stop myself, I burst out laughing.

'I`ll get you, you little bastard…' Mello mumbled as he woke up. (1) he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and yawned widely, before looking at us.

'the clown has NO penis!' Matt groaned out, (2) Near snorted, before hitting them with a bouncy ball…What the fuck? Where did this fucking ball pop out from?

'c`mon, we gotta go back…Watari`s probably sent them out to find us. What happened exactly?' Near asked when Matt and Mello had sorted each-other out.

'what the fuck was you dreaming bout?' I asked as we got up and Near pressed the button so we could get out.

'a kick-arse moob-attack…' Matt told me, yawning. (3)

'Please shut up…' Near replied, Mello glared, hang-over gone in a instant. And shocked Near is shocked.

'You shut up you little shit!' Mello roared at him.

'Why in the world should I?'

'Cos you`re a fucking albino dick-wad!'

'Stop it! You fish-faced-fool!' (4) Near cried out, I really should step in and save Near, but this is too damn funny!

'Fish-faced-fool? such a brilliant come-back, shit-for-brains albino arsehole!'

'Leave me the hell alone! and stop insulting me!'

'I can insult you all I want, you little vermin!' (5) Mello snapped. Near sniffled, before giving him the finger, and hugged himself. I stared at him before pulling him into a hug. Near buried his face in my neck, I hugged him, as Matt scolded Mello. It`s kinda awkward when the person who you`re comforting is taller than you.

'You okay Near? He didn`t mean it, he`s just pissy cuz he didn`t get any last night…' I told him, Near sniffled, before pulling away. He held my red fire-orb (from Dragon Quest) pendant and stared at it. we heard a loud metallic bang from behind us, then Matt swearing.

'It has eyes…why has it got eyes?' he asked a bit shakily, as he let go of it. I poked his nose.

'Dunno. I guess it wanted to see the infamous Near, and his army of transformers.' I smiled. Near wiped his eyes and fixed his clothes, and gave me a small smile.

'We need to get outta here…and, sorry Near…withdrawal symptoms, Kit`s getting really edgy and Matt just dented the wall…and Watari`s probably spazzing over the fact he can`t find us…' Mello grinned, Near shrugged.

'Apology accepted…but, please go easy on the insulting…I can only take so much, 1 of these days I will snap. And I hope it won`t be directed to you guys.' He told us, we all smiled at the fact Near could get mad.

'Did anybody else suddenly imagine Near turn into the Hulk just then?' I asked as the lift started moving.

'Yes! It was a awesome vision…' Matt trailed off.

'It usually the quiet 1s you should look out for. But he would make a fucking awesome Hulk though.' I said.

'That`s what she said.' Matt snickered. The doors opened with a loud "ding"…we scuttled outta there.

'Okay, empty hall-way? Check. Best mates? Check. Uh, furious mister Q? chec- wait, no furious mister Q…odd.' I mused. Near grabbed my elbow and pulled me down the hall-way, Mello and Matt followed, we started to run.

'We need to grab some clothes from our room, shower, and change, then we show up in the kitchen, where Watari will find us. Hopefully he won`t be so mad at us when we show up like this.' Matt said as we ran.

'I doubt we would get off scot-free like the time when we was 8…' I told them. we stopped, and looked at each-other, then kept on walking.

'Why don`t we just get ourselves sorted out 1st, then we should make it up as we go along.' Mello said.

'Yeah, that won`t be too hard, and I should`ve seen that coming.' Near replied as we walked up a set of stairs.

'That`s what she said!' Matt laughed, I laughed as Mello snickered in reply. Near blinked.

'I`m surrounded by perverts…' he mumbled. I smirked.

'Oh, really? You`re just as bad sometimes Near!'

'Is he now?' Matt asked, interested all of a sudden.

'Yeah! Did you hear what he said in the lift? He said, and I quote in his exact words: "I hope I didn`t come in my pants again…"' I told them as we stopped outside our door. Matt quickly unlocked the door pulled us all in, and bolted it, then ran to the bath-room with me chasing him.

'I call dibs on the bath!' I yelled as Matt stripped and dived into the shower, screaming at the cold water.

5 minutes later…

Near calmly walked in with Nii-san…Nii-san? That sounds pretty awesome, Mello-nii…sounds like Melanie…nah, just better call him Mello, or Nii-san.

'Ah, I`m nearly finished!' me and Matt yelled. I`m finished. _~Argh! For the love of Jashin! Why are there no curtains! ~_ I must`ve said it out loud, cause Near looked away and handed my towel…aww, how sweet. He`s gone bright red too. I`m actually shocked as to how little I care bout my nudity, usually I couldn`t care less with Mello, Matt or Near seeing…but what if anybody else sees…L? Raito? Or Jashin forbid…mister Q!

'Thanks N.' I thanked him, covered up and walked into our room. Matt showed up as soon as I was somewhat decent. He pulled out some jeans and a black and white stripy top as I pulled out a slightly frayed red and green striped top, that on, I pulled on some black ripped jeans.

'Nice shirt Kitana. very Freddie Krueger.' Matt smirked, I shrugged at him, but not before pointing out that he looks like he just escaped prison.

'Holy mother of Mario!' Matt yelled as he held up a game-boy…wait? A _game-boy?_ Holy mother of Mario indeed! Those fucking things are extinct!

'Where did you find that! That thing`s gotta be older than me!' I yelled as I ran over and snatched it out of his hands for a closer look. Yep, it`s 1 of those brick 1s, y`know, the old skool kind.

'Dude, I found it in a pillow-case. How the fuck would I know? Gimmie it back! It should be put in my museum of games!' Matt retorted. He has a museum? Seriously?

'I have 1 for games, like you have for cosplay and manga.' He jabbed my in the arm. I handed it back.

'It was made in 1993…I was born that year!' I grinned: Matt blinked, then checked the back.

'Wow…weird, don`t ya feel really old when you think about stuff like this?' he asked, I nodded.

'But _you_ are old compared to this…' I jibed, he thumped me on the arm. I think he was aiming to give me a dead arm.

'Ow, ow! Ouch! Matt! That hurts! Stop it! arrggghhh! Owww! stop it! it hurts!' I yelled as Matt began pinching me on the arms and legs, Near stared at us in horror, Mello face-palmed as we (myself and Matt) carried on wrestling and screaming like we were being raped or summat.

'Shh! Watari will hear you! Keep it down over there!' Near called over at us, when he recovered from his initial shock.

'Okay! Yow! Don`t stick your fingers there! Oww! Stop it Kitana!' Matt yelled, as I prodded him in the crotch.

'Matt! I`m not ready! Nooo! Stoooopp! It really hurts now! get off Matt! You`re too heavy!' I whined, trying to get Matt off of me. (he was straddling me and putting all his weight on me…the fat-arse! I squirmed and yelled, he screamed back.

'Get the fuck off me! Gerroff me captain butt-plug!' I shouted as I got my left arm free and back-handed him.

'Nice shot!' Mello grinned as he ran into the bathroom and came back with a few bottles, he gave 1 to Near.

'With the amount of noise them 2 are making, we should stand over them, wait until Watari busts in, and then squirt this watery conditioner on Matt and Kitana.' Mello grinned.

'What? No!' we stopped fighting to listen in.

'Cool, watery conditioner looks like jizz if you shake it up a bit.' I retorted from under Matt, I rested my head on his leg.

'I don`t want to know as to how you know that.' Near told me and took a bottle from Mello anyways and stood over us. L`s successors (Mello and Near) shook the bottles, whilst B`s successors (me and Matt) continued to fight, we wasn`t trying to hurt each-other like before.

'Aaahhh! Get off me! Get off me! Get off meeeeeeeee!' I cried, forcing my voice to have a hysterical tone, Mello uncapped the conditioner and began squirting it, Near joined in, trying to get Mello in the face.

'Arrggghhh! Oww! Ouch! Argh! Stop biting me you pillock!' Matt yelped as I bit into his shoulder. Hard.

And then the task-force including L and mister Q walked in…it all went pear-shaped then.

'WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?' Mister Q roared, taking in the partially destroyed room, me and Matt beating each-other bloody as we were tangled together whilst Mello was squirting Near with whatever`s in that bottle, not to mention we has screamed ourselves hoarse.

'A sexy peanut?' I offered weakly. I might as well abandon all hope and do a runner. But Mister Q knows what I did, and whose successor we are, we will die if we try to run. Matt shuddered in terror above me, he must`ve had the same thoughts as me, because he looked panicked. I chanced a glance at Mister Q…he looks livid…bloody hell fire…we might not get out alive…

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\/\/\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Tobi: aaaannnnd, stop!

I`m sorry if it is short! I just relied on the reviews to keep me going! You got this far…

I always say "Bloody Hell Fire!" it sounds so cool! Yet weird coming from me, even though I have a foul mouth…

Plus, listen to: Creature Feature – The Greatest Show Unearthed. It rocks!


	7. Chapter 7

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

Will be T-rated until I feel like kicking it up a notch!

Chapter 7

I'm not a psychopath! I'm just very creative!

'Huh, isolation unit…I thought only Rodger did those…' I mused out loud, speaking in Russian, (my mother-tongue) staring at the white floor. A black note-book landed in front of me with a *clack* naturally, I picked it up.

'Death Note? What is this? Rules…' I murmured, reading the rules that were written in a familiar handwriting. A pair of deathly pale feet appeared before me. Hunh? L was visiting me?

'**Hello Kitana-chan…I see you managed to piss off Wammy yet again, although he didn`t quite like the fact we put a bunch of dead fish in his bed…or the frog guts in Rodger`s shampoo.'** I heard a cold, sarcastic voice say above me.

I look up to see a L look-a-like, instead of inky black eyes, white shirt and blue jeans. He wears torn and stitched black jeans, adorned with chains and a practically shredded shirt and underneath was a black fish-net shirt. He had black claws, a mouth full of teeth sharp enough to make a shark envious and a pair of blood-red eyes, not unlike my right eye, and black lining his eyes and mouth. I heard a flapping noise: then I noticed his massive black wings, shaped like exactly a bat`s…wow.

'B?' I whispered, he sat, crouching in front of me and grinned.

'**Who else would it be? And only you can see and hear me, so make sure Law doesn`t see you natter to me. Okay Kit-Kat?'** B told me, I nodded in reply, smiling at the old nick-name.

'Beyond came back to haunt us…Hn, y`know…you look just like L…Beyond…but sexier…' I grinned slyly, enjoying the look of shock that crossed his face. _~Kyaha! Gotcha! ~_ I smirk.

'**Uh, Kit-Kat…I`m a lot older than you, and kinda dead. I`m pretty sure that counts as paedophilia…also as some form of necrophilia…but thanks for the compliment.'** Beyond retorted and sprawled out on the floor, long limbs out like a type of scarecrow.

'Yeah, yea, I`m with Near, so don`t worry, okay? I just wanted to see how you`d react.' I reassured the shinigami that used to be my tutor. He took the Note, and then slapped me with it.

'Ow! Give over. Is there any cameras?' I hissed after a moment. Beyond started to check, before he floated back to me.

'**Only 1, and before you ask, I`ll go track it, nom some jam, and then find you, yeah?'**(1) The raven-haired death told me.

'Kay, in a bit, BB-gun.' I said without moving my lips.

'**Kyehe…I wonder how this will turn out…'** B grinned, skulking out, as I lay back on the floor. I felt a grin creep across my face: I got Beyond back! But only I can see him…he`ll definitely tell me what the fuck`s happening out there.

10 minutes later…

'I wanna leave isolation now…I`m dying of boredom here.' I whined at the camera. Beyond emerged from the wall and floated next to me.

'**L is watching you, mister Q had switched his off when you started flailing and began yelling "Flail Like A Magikarp!" and that weird dance thing confused the hell out of him and made L smile…I tried to glomp him cuz of how adorable he looked, but I flew straight past him.' **(2) He stated, pouting when he found out he couldn`t control his wings properly, he really wanted to glomp L. I snorted when he started whining when I bragged that I could.

'You could attempt to "do" Raito…or cop a feel off of L.' I suggested in barely above a whisper. Beyond stared at me for a moment then a perverted grin spread across his face.

'I was only taking the piss! Don`t Beyond, the last thing I want is L asking me why Raito was yelling bout being violated in the shower by a invisible force!' (3) I hissed at him, the grin on his face getting wider it was unnatural, and his eyes gleamed.

'**Hn, gotta go…ya know, things to do, murderers to attack, detectives to molest…'** he trailed, cackling like a lunatic as he flew off. I stared. _~Oh, shit! Why did I have to mention that? Raito wouldn`t know what the fuck was going on! L would find it annoying cuz _he`s_ not the 1 violating Raito…kyehehe…I gotta tell Matt this new development…~_ (4) I mused, before standing.

'Can the Detective Chibi Assassin leave the allocated room?' (5) I asked the cameras loudly. The door gave a small *click* and swung open. I saluted to the camera and walked out.

'#Punch your lights out, hit the pavement, that`s what I call entertainment, causin` problems makes you famous, all the violence makes a statement. Punch your lights out, hit the pavement, that`s what I call entertainment, causin` problems makes you famous, ALL-THIS-VIOLENCE-MAKES-A-STATEMENT! #' (6) I sang as I made my way to the room the adults were at, I decided to start skipping the rest of the way.  
**'Skipping to places is 1 of the many ways to keep a healthy level of insanity! Ya know, Law-chan tried to get me with an improvised ruler-turned dagger. I`m not sure if it was supposed to hurt, he probably thought it was that fucker Kira…and now Kira fucking got with L. that ain`t fair! I`ve known L longer than anybody –minus Mister Q- who`s still walking the earth.'** Beyond brooded, I jabbed his arm to break him out of his reverie, he stared at me.

'**How the hell did you do that? Nobody can do that!'** he asked, I blinked a few times. Then shrugged.

'Dunno, but can…it must be the fact that I have your eye…we gotta find Matt, cuz he`ll wanna know, y`know, being your successor as well.' I grinned, Beyond looped his arms around me. I tried to pull him off, but then I decided to leave it.

'**Matt? How is our little Matt-kun?'** he murmured into my ear.

'You`ll find out soon enough, `sides, we gotta go to the task-force and tell Matt and possibly Mello, L, and Near of this development…' I stated, walking down the hall, dragging/carrying Beyond on my back.

'**Hey, Kit…you said something bout telling L.'** Beyond pointed out, I stopped, and then began to walk a tad bit faster.

'We`re nearly there, and I`m gonna tell him anyways, he told me to report to him if I ever saw a shinigami, so yeah.' I smiled.

'Hiya dudes! Ryuuzaki? I got something to tell ya!' I sing-songed when I walked in, I opened a jar of jam and came to a halt in front of him. L looked up at me (Beyond was moving away from us.) from the strawberry cake he was eating.

'Yes Kitana?' he asked as I started wondering how to phrase it.

'You know that time when you told me to tell you when I saw a shinigami, I`d have to tell you, right? Well, there is 1 with me right now.' I replied, as Beyond floated over, and towards Raito.

'Where is the shinigami?' L and Raito asked me, I pointed at Beyond and L tilted his head.

'**Aww! Can you see how molestable he is!'** Beyond cried out.

'He says his name is Beyond, and he requests some strawberry jam.' I said after a minutes of trying not to laugh.

'Jam?' Raito repeated, I nodded in reply.

'Yeah, uh, kinda like that shinigami that is obsessed with apples.' I stated, Ryuuzaki cleared his throat and sipped his tea.

'beyond?' he called, said shinigami floalked (a mix of float walked) and began to serenade L, totally disregarding the fact only I could hear him.

'He`s right next to you Leader…and I didn`t know you could sing B!' I smiled, Beyond paused and gave me a mock bow.

'**You never asked!'** he giggled. L raised a unseen eyebrow when I dramatically sighed in retaliation.

'He`s singing a really raunchy song right now, at you Leader, and it`s really catchy.' Was my explanation.

'Why would a shinigami do that?' Raito asked as Beyond started teaching me the song, and some.

'He does shiz like that, and "Twas on the good ship Venus" (7)? Sounds wicked!' I muttered. Beyond nodded, still grinning.

'Yo!' Matt and Mello walked in, I grabbed Beyond`s hand and dragged him over to Matt.

'Hey Mattie! Mells! Guess who`s come back from the Underworld!' I grinned, Matt blinked before shrugging.

'**Tis I! Beyond Birthday! You`re sexy shinigami tutor!'** Beyond crowed. Matt looked at me, before we burst out in hysterical laughter.

'Only you Beyond, only you!' Matt laughed. It took us precisely 11 minutes to fully calm down.

'Will somebody please explain what in the world is going on?' Raito cried out, but we ignored him for something more important, he`ll find out later at some point in the near-future.

'**Screamer much?'** Beyond asked as I nodded in reply.

'That`s what she said!' Matt grinned, I decided to say something that has been gnawing on my head for a while.

'Uhm, since of when could you hear Beyond? Can you see him too?' I asked the ex-smoker (he stopped when I started to comment on how much of his life-span will be left after each cigarette and Mello threatened to shoot us both if we didn`t stop it. Near got annoyed and threatened us with a sledge-hammer.)

'Since I got beaned across the head by a paper ball ages ago, and yeah. I can see him too.' I smiled and we sat down in our little corner, which Matt dubbed as the "Wammy Corner." Since we (L, Mello, Matt, Near and myself usually sat. L was the leader, but mister Q is the Don, the boss, the big man, head-honcho, the big-shot, B.A.M.F, (8) he started the entire shebang.

'And the sexy thing is totally true I must add.' Matt told Beyond, who fluttered his eyelashes and blew us a kiss.

'**Aww shucks! Ya making me blush!'** he crowed, his grin becoming like that of the Cheshire Cat.

'So Beyond Birthday is now a Shinigami, and Kitana-chan and Matt-kun are the only people who can see him.' L listed off.

'That is correct, and he wants some jam, and I`m a bit peckish too, I`ll tell you some more things in a bit. See-ya!' I pointed out with a smile, and walked off in the direction of the kitchen.

'**Hiya love!'** Beyond called, linking arms with me after I was a fair distance away.

'Hiya love, fancy seeing you here.' I replied to the serial killer-turned shinigami, said shinigami smirked.

'**Yeah…I think a certain teenager is getting all my habits!' **

'I know, right? It`s that eye of yours!' I grinned as we entered the kitchen. I opened the fridge to it stocked with jam! Wicked!

'**Heeeeeh? What eye?'** Beyond looked at me as if I had grown an extra head. I pulled my fringe back to reveal the shinigami eye. I swear his grin doubled in size as he traced the scar with a talon.

'**You kinda look like Kakashi Hatake from Naruto.'** He stated I nodded.

'Matt said I looked like Kazuya Mishima from Tekken, he also said it was a membership to hell.' I told the still grinning shinigami as I grabbed a few jars and handed him a couple.

'Thanks Kit-Kat, he really shouldn`t get your hopes up!' he laughed, I shut the fridge door and we started going back.

'I know! You have 5 jars, yeah? *He nods* good, I`ve got 5 too.' I smiled as we walked -I walked, Beyond floated- lucky bastard- back to the main room. I glance at him as we chomped on jam.

'So…you copped a feel yet?' I smirked, his cackle said it all.

'**Yep! He actually squeaked! And I got a really good feel!'**

'Yeah? Has he got a good arse? No wonder he wears baggy jeans.' I mused, Beyond groaned, throwing his head back.

'**Fuck yes! He`s huge too!'** I hummed at his comment.

'If only you was alive, eh?' I grinned, nudging him with my elbow. _~Hang on a minute! ~_

'Wait, are you and L twiins? Cuz that`s kinda like incest, innit?' I asked after a moment`s pause. Beyond stopped and shrugged his thin shoulders in reply.

'**Not that I know of, I just thought of Hikaru and Kaoru (sp?) from Ouran High School Host Club!' **he laughed. I pumped a fist in the air and cheered.

'We put the "Fun" in "Dysfunctional!" kyahaha!'

'**You can`t spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"!'** Beyond cackled, I snorted. How un-lady-like…like I really care.

'Dude, we Wammy Kids have some serious issues' I told him.

'**True…we all have our obsessions! L has sweets, we have jam, Matt has his games, Mello has chocolate, Near has toys, and we are Watari`s little boys!'** Beyond cackled/laughed along with me as we soon entered the main room. (9)

'What took ya?' Matt asked us. I led Beyond into our "Wammy Corner" and we sat down and carefully put our jars down.

'We was talking bout our little obsessions, ya know.' I told him with a smirk. Matt rolled his eyes and gave me a knowing look.

'Oh, yeah? I can totally hear that conversation in M-rated format.' He smirked as I nodded laughing.

'**Oh? Well dear Mattie, I think that you should know then!'** Beyond shrieked, and began to tell Matt exactly what we was talking bout between mouthfuls of strawberry jam, I had to use a spoon, since using your bare hands was unsanitary. Apparently.

'What the fuck? That`s bloody crazy! True, but very mad.' Matt snickered as he pulled out his D.S. Mello skulked over and sat down next to him.

'Bout time you showed up Kitana, we was getting rather bored. The 3 of us sat all on our lonesome, Near`s a freaking ninja, I swear: he literally just vanished into thin air.' Mello ranted.

'Beyond? How many jars did we get?' I muttered, Beyond paused in mid-bite, shrugged and continued eating.

'**You gave me a few to carry, bout 10. You had the same amount. So 20, why?'** he replied, licking jam off his hands and sitting back-to-back with me. Near reappeared and sat, pulling out Lego, I watched him make some people, then a village.

'Beyond, what`s MU?' I asked, when I suddenly remembered, L got off his chair and walked over to our corner.

'I would like to know that too. May I sit here?' L asked, politely I must add. Beyond started yelling "Yes!" over and over again until it sounded like he was orgasming or something.

'Sure, you`re the Boss.' Near replied, startling Matt who grabbed Mello. I patted the carpet next to me and giggled at the others. L sat down and I offered some Hubba-Bubba gum. (9)

'**It`s a shame L can`t see me, cuz I`m gonna do a strip-tease.'** Beyond stood up and declared, Matt and I shared a look whilst the others were blissfully unaware of what was going to happen.

'Beyond…put your clothes back on.' I grinned, covering Matt`s eyes. Beyond paused and put his shirt back on. L stared at us.

'**Mu? It`s a place where Shinigami hang out.'** he told us and sat with his legs crossed, Matt took my hands off his face.

'Myuu or moo?' he asked, putting my hands on the floor.

'What are you guys chattering about?' our resident albino asked from his seat on my right, Beyond was sat on my left, L, Mello and Matt sat opposite us. I heard Matt hiss "Bloody Ninjas"

'The pronunciation of the word "Mu" it`s kinda weird.' Matt told him, Near hummed in reply and built a few more houses.

'**Is it just me, or does he remind you of a albino L-chibi?'** Beyond commented, pointing at the albino teen.

'He`s a Chibi-albino-L. and only I can molest him, so nyah!' I smirked at Beyond, sticking out my tongue for good measure.

'Kitana…you promised!' Near said, curling into himself like a hedgehog. L looked a bit scared at the thought that Beyond could be doing anything and he would be completely unaware.

'Aww! Must you look so freakin` adorable?' I smiled, looming over him, his little Lego village, forgotten.

'I`m not adorable!' he denied, anymore protests was forgotten as I pulled him into a hug. He kept squirming.

'Get off! Let me go!' Near whined, making me hold on tighter.

'Near, you have a pair of double Es pressed against you, why the fuck are you complaining?' Matt said, Near froze. I snickered, and nuzzled him in the shoulder. Matt decided to lay his head on Mello`s lap. Watari came by and handed us some chocolate (for Mello) strawberry cake (for L) strawberry jam (for myself and Beyond) some BBQ crisps (for Matt) and some wafer biscuits. (For Near) Mello ripped open a bar and bit it.

'I should be used to this by now…you`ve been doing this since we was kids.' Near muttered as he put his head on my shoulder. I nodded in reply. Beyond, now lying on the floor grabbed a jar of jam and crawled over to L, then to Raito who just stared at the jar. I`m guessing he can`t see Beyond…pity. I just grinned.

- T.B.C -

Tobi: yay! Done this Chappie! Uhm, sorry it`s so late, the Internet decided to be a dick and not work! And then I had this little book that had this chapter written out in (I went on holiday and there was no freakin` internet!) vanished, then reappeared.

Here`s the number-thingy!

(1) I said the same thing when I was asked to find some kid`s pet cat, since I can speak Cat…apparently.

(2) Me and my friends got fed up with that song by Willow Smith "Whip My Hair" so my friend (Shannon) made the song "Flail Like a Magikarp" after we played some Pokemon. And I think I made Beyond into some form of Otaku…whoops?

(3) Don`t ask…I kinda discovered the back end of the Internet. Damn 4chan.

(4) I blame 4chan for the damn invisibility porn. But that would be pretty funny to be honest.

(5) I said that to freak a cousin out…they should be used to me behaving like that now…they`ve had years to get used to me…

(6) A part of the chorus in "Lights Out" by Mindless Self Indulgence.

(7) Check out PiperDreamer`s "A Wish Order Brother" it`s bloody awesome! This was a song that Deidara sung to Naruto.

(8) Those titles seem to fit Watari…or Mister Q. It means: Bad. Arse. Mother. Fucker. I tend to call awesome people that. (Like my Mum and uhm…Chuck Norris!) XD

(9) How I made friends in my 1st year of high school…kyehe…

and listen to the song "Teenagers" by My Chemical Romance, it seems to fit the Wammy Kids. And "How To Serve Man" by Creature Feature fitted Beyond perfectly! ^_\) please review!


	8. Chapter 8

Warning:

Humour. O.o.c-ness.

Random-ness. Pranks.

Explosions. Insanity. May be hints of yaoi.

Psychotic O.C, I don`t own Death Note,

I only own the plot and Kitana.

Will remain T-rated until I feel like kicking it up a notch!

Chapter 8

Chaos in cars!

'Huh, there seems to be a disturbance in the force…' I said, sitting next to Near. He snorted in reply and stared at his Lego.

'You thought correct young Skywalker...' he muttered. I raised an eyebrow at his mood…I think he may be a little depressed…(1)

'What`s up? Where are the others?' I asked.

'I am annoyed because Mello and Matt are doing stuff related to the case, and they won`t let me or you to help because we are younger than Matt or Mello…I want a light-saber.' He told me, though the light-saber bit was muttered. I shrugged.

'Hmm, we could always make a light-saber…' I suggested, as Near`s face lit up. I pulled out a pen and paper from a pocket.

'Take no- oh, you already are…it should be built just like those from Star Wars…the colours to choose from are: red, blue, green and purple, we should also make some voice-changer masks…to freak out Imagay.' Near smiled, I laughed as I finished writing the last sentence. (2)

'Sounds awesome. Should we inform the others of not bother?' I asked as mister Q trolled in, holding some tubes of all sizes.

'Inform who?'

'We`re gonna make some light-sabers since we can`t do anything here…can we have those tubes?' Near supplied. Mister Q handed the tubes over, looking a little bit surprised.

'We have literally nothing to do, since we are not allowed to help with the Kira case…so Matt and Mello mooched off, and Near and I are flat out bored out of our skulls.' I told him.

'We need more materials…hey, mister Q, can we go to the closest Arts and Crafts store? Or a shopping centre?'

'Yes…but I will be taking you.' Mister Q replied, Near smiled and I hugged his arm as we stood, dusted ourselves off and followed mister Q outta there.

'Who else would we trust to take us places?' I smirked, Near hid his smile in the collar of his shirt.

'Exactly…if I let you both go by your own means, there would be a wreckage in place of the city!' he stated, turning away and walking out of the room, I snickered as we got in the car, and played "Rock, Paper, Scissors" for a while… (3)

'Are we there yet?' Near piped up after our 10th game, I pouted, why can I never win against him! And then face-palmed.

'No. Put your seat-belts on!' mister Q said, we quickly belted up.

20 minutes later…

'Are we there yet?' (4)

'No, Kitana, we are not.'

'Are we there yet?'

'No, Near…play with your robot.'

'How bout now?'

'No, Kitana…go back to reading that manga.'

'…Are we there now?'

'No, Near.'

20 more minutes later…

'Yo, Mister Q! We there yet?'

'Really?'

'No, Kitana now be quiet.'

'…Ass.'

'Language Kitana!'

'English! We there yet?' (5)

'No, and stop being rude Kitana…and don`t even start Near.'

'I wasn`t even going to be rude Watari…just going to ask a very important question.'

'Well? What is the question?'

'Are we there yet?'

'AAHHHRRGGGHHHH!' –insert a screaming fit here-

'Uh, the car stopped…like…in the middle of the road.'

'I think we better run, I see the shopping centre. And before you ask, I grabbed his wallet.'

'Fair does…run whilst he`s still screaming.' I nodded at Near as we undid the seat-belts and opened the door, scrambling out and slamming the door behind us. Near grabbed my hand and we ran like lunatics, through bushes and climbing over fences.

We burst into the mall and panted for breath, we must`ve looked a state: Near was wearing a white long-sleeved dress shirt with a missing sleeve -it got torn off during our escape from the car- and slate-grey jeans. I was wearing my now ripped "Escape from Alcatraz Prison"-style shirt, and bleached and torn jeans. Both of us complete with twigs in our hair, muddy knees and for some reason we had left our shoes in the car, so we were in our socks…Near held up mister Q`s wallet, and seeing a big wad of cash inside, with a very smug smirk on his cherubic face. (6)

'Pull out a few, and put the rest away…we need food!' I giggled, hugging him and then dragged him to the nearest shop. 20 minutes later…

We came out with a bag each, mine was filled to the top with strawberry jam, and Near`s was filled with pink Panther wafers. Near suddenly pulled my sleeve, I looked to where he was taking me: a…toy store? Brilliant! We grinned at each-other and ran in, we grabbed a trolley and went straight to the good stuff.

'Robots! Gonna get loads of these…and some Lego too, and a train-set…' Near trailed as he grabbed boxes and put them into the trolley. I whooped as I chucked toy weapons, anime figurines, Mp3s and some other things into the trolley as well. After spending a good hour and a ½ in there, we finally paid and then left. We got some odd looks by the people, cuz we still have the trolley and soon we rolled up to the D.I.Y store.

'Shall I do this 1?' I asked, Near nodded and I turned and ran into the shop…so much to get! Such little time!

30 minutes later…

I walk out with a trolley full of things, and stuff like drills and saws and planks of wood…and is Near on that kiddie ride? I laughed and walked towards him, he was sat quite comfortably in a Thomas the Tank Engine ride.

'Having fun N?' I grinned: he jumped a little, not seeing me sneak up behind him using my epic ninja skillz! Near smiled and nodded. I parked the trolley, and climbed in with him.

'To where do we travel to?' I asked, digging in my pocket for some change, Near held up a coin and put it into the slot, then we was off! Shame it only moves back and forth quite slowly.

'We are off to the moon! And then we will call the aid of the Autobots so that they can help us fight off the Deceptions!' (7) He cried out, I laughed and then I noticed that he had some reddish goo on his face, I wiped it off and put it in my mouth. Jam…strawberry jam…I glared, Near carried on, totally oblivious to my glares. _~If Near eats jam…he goes totally bat-shit crazy…but I don`t want him to have my jam! I gotta find a good substitute. ~ _I suddenly grinned.

'Hey, Cap`n! What did Rodger and Mister Q say you wasn`t allowed to eat?' I asked, Near shrugged in reply and made loud train noises and plane noises. I laughed and joined in, then I heard cackling, a very familiar cackling. Beyond!

'**Just thought I might as well check up on you too, cuz the others are all fine…kinda…ish.'** Beyond answered my raised eyebrow at his sudden appearance in 3-day absences.

'And where the hell have you been, Beyond?' I hissed, the shinigami waved his a "here and there" gesture. Near grabbed my elbow, hyper-ness partially worn off and started to pull me off the ride.

'We gotta keep going! Plus, we need more clothes…' he trailed off at seeing my smile. I grabbed my trolley and led him to the clothing department.

25 minutes later…

We had decided to shop for all of us –meaning L, Mello, Matt, Near and myself- and grabbing things off rails, and checking if they was good enough, put them into a pile at the desk. Near was outside the shop whilst I shopped. _~Just realized how much I hate shopping…fuck`s sake…~_ I face-palmed. (8)

'Hmm…leather and fish-net? Soo getting that!' I grinned as Beyond gave me a thumbs-up and put more stuff on the till. I stopped and stared at a pair of massive New Rocks_. ~I am defiantly getting THOSE! ~_ I grinned, pulling them off the display, I looked at the shoe size. _~Size 5? Bazinga! ~_ I went to go buy them along with our pile…whoa, big pile… (9)

'**Since I happen to know you guy`s clothes size and shoe size, I did the liberty of getting some for you lot.'** Beyond smiled, a top hat resting on wild, inky hair. I whistled at his larger pile.

15 minutes later…

'We should start making tracks and somehow get Watari to take us and our bounty back to head-quarters…somehow.' Near said from his large trolley, I nodded in reply and we made our way to the exit, stopping a few times to buy a few bags of sweets, chocolate, crisps, wafers and jam jars.

'Hmm…Beyond, go see if you can find Mister Q and that awesome jeep of his.' I practically ordered, Beyond floated off, still wearing that Mad Hatter top-hat. It suits him…

'Is he back, then?' Near asked, he`d crashed and burned due to the fact that he ran out of sugar…I let him eat his wafers though.

'Yeah, but he does terrorize Raito, so it`s all good.' I said, justifying the reasons. The object of our conversation floated through the wall, now wearing a huge grin.

'**It`s pretty close…and Mister Q ain`t in it! He`s pacing…what did you guys do to make him pace like that?'** he asked, so I told him exactly what we did, with Near putting in a few comments here and there between bites of wafer biscuits.

'**Kyeehahahahaa! Well done! Let`s just hope he`s cooled off a little.'** I blinked at Beyond`s wide grin and I pushed my trolley and followed him, Near close and pushing his own trolley.

'**Did I mention that you both look like asylum escapees? What did you do? Run through 9 bushes, splash in several puddles and climb over 2 fences?'** Beyond joked, and laughed at my hesitant nod. He then told me of some the things he did.

'We gotta go, I can see the car.' Near stated, pointing. We sprinted over to the car, I popped open the boot and started putting all our stuff in, Near helped and soon it all was in there, Near shut the boot lid and we let Beyond put the trolleys in some random part of the car-park.

'Get in! He`s fallen asleep in the front!' I urged as I opened the door and shoved Near in and jumped in after. The door slamming woke Mister Q up, he yelled at us for messing about -Near sneakily put his wallet back- and then drove home.

As soon as we parked the car in the garage, mister Q took the keys and walked off, not even opening the boot.

'Did he just?' Near began, I cut him off with a hug…and then Beyond showed up, pushing a trolley! It was the exact same 1 too! I hugged him and took the trolley, Near helped me fill it.

'We`ll have to carry the rest…Beyond? Can you help us?' he asked B, who agreed and picked a lot of bags up, as did himself and I. After we got everything, I shut the boot, and we went to the lift. And pressing the button…repeatedly…Near rolled his eyes and leaned on the trolley. A few minutes later the lift doors opened up, thankfully, empty. We piled in and jabbed the button. I was just hoping the others wouldn`t notice our ill-gotten gains or us. The doors open and we practically ninja`ed to our rooms, once in we slammed the door shut and dropped everything and collapsed on the soft carpet.

'Best outing ever…shame Mello and Matt didn`t join us…' Near stated softly, me and Beyond laughed in response. A while later, after getting washed and dressed, we started putting the stuff away and I went off in search of L`s room -Beyond led the way as I carried the bags of stuff we got for L- as soon as we got there, I silently broke in and put the bags on the table, and got the hell out of there in case L or Mister Q was nearby. I had Beyond stationed as look-out just in case.

'**Now what?'** he asked as he cracked open a jar of jam, when I re-locked the door and walked back to our room. Near looked up from the castle he was building out of mega-blocks.

'Now we chill out in here.' I said, only to laugh as Beyond sprawled out on the floor, spidery limbs strewn about.

'#I don`t wanna live, I don`t breathe, unless I feel you next to me! Take the pain I feel! #…And I forgot the rest of that the song.' I sang to myself, somewhere in the room, Near snickered.

'You reckon they want us back?' he asked, I rolled over and looked over to see him building a robot out of the box that we got, I grinned seeing that he had scrunched up the instruction booklet, and flopped back on my bed. (10)

'Probably…we should really go.' I said, not even considering getting up off of my very comfortable bed. Near poked my foot, I moved it and he climbed up on the bed and lay down next to me. Beyond, not wanting to feel left out, he jumped on the bed too and sat against the head-board. I smiled and glanced at the clock only to yelp in surprise.

'Holy shit! It`s 5 o`clock! We gotta get moving!' I rolled off the bed as Near shot up and began to help me hide our bags. Soon, we was speed walking to the meeting, I blinked as Near pushed the door open. Beyond muttered something behind me as we walked in and made a bee-line for L.

'Hiya! Are we late?' I asked, Ryuuzaki shook his head and looked back at the screen, Raito crossed his arms and looked annoyed as I saluted at L and I jumped onto the sofa next to Matt and Mello. Near was sat on a foam jigsaw and was playing with his new transformer.

'So, where did you 2 go? We heard Watari ranting of –his words, not mine- "albino and blonde brats who should be shot for running amok in malls and causing wide-spread panic. -Oh, and here`s the best bit- due to the fact that it resembled the movie "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay!" hahahaa!' Matt laughed when I nodded.

'Wow…that`s a bit exaggerated…but we did do a pretty epic escape, and it was quite similar, innit Near?' I said.

'Yes, it was more like that movie "Are We There Yet?" since we got him so angry, and then decided that it was a good idea to get out of there while he was yelling.' Near said, a smirk on his face, we all laughed, only to fall silent when I told them what exactly happened in full detail, Near putting in his input every so often. And then Mister Q walked in as I finished my tale.

'Are we there yet?' Near hissed, as he gave L some cake and went back out, causing myself, Mello and Matt to start cackling like a pack of hyenas as he had a grin plastered on his face. (11)

'**Uh, Mister Q`s coming this way! Put your game-face on! He looks **_**pissed**_**!'** Beyond yelled as he burst in the room, I blinked as Matt somehow managed to tell the others and not asphyxiate himself at the same time was impressive. Then Mister Q burst in, guns blazing. A warning bell went off in my head as a white blur flew past me, I squeaked and I ran, fucking hauled ass. As I ran down the hallway, I suddenly noticed the vent system.

'Like the good old days…fucking Nora.' I growled as in pulled the vent open, climbed in and shut it behind me, and began to crawl through. I sent a silent thank-you to Beyond for warning us, and a just as quiet prayer for Near and the others, hoping they got out of there in time. (12)

A few hours later…

I was starting to get a bit bored…I think I`ve gone up a few floors, not only was it dark and cold, I had no jam! And I kept wondering where the hell I was going. I felt the vent vibrate and suddenly Beyond`s face was inches from my own.

'Ack! What the fuck? What`s wrong with you? Nearly gave me a fucking heart-attack!' I hissed angrily at him, he rolled his blood-red eyes at me, I suddenly noticed that he had a yellowish ring around his pupil and the black around his eyes looked like it was painted on and he had eyebrows too…

'**Sorry…you, was a bitch to find…and I for 1, applaud you in your escape. Well-done madam!' **he grinned, now actually in the vent with me, he moved back a few feet and waited as I got comfortable and then began telling me what happened afterwards. Mello, Matt and Near had indeed escaped Mister Q`s wrath and are currently hiding in different parts of the building.

'Where are they hiding then?' I asked, as we crawled, Beyond shrugged in reply but told me anyway.

'**Near is hiding in a supply cupboard, full of paper, he`ll blend in seeing as he`s like a little ghost…Matt is hiding in the walls, I haven`t a fucking clue how the hell he got in there, and Mello is in the car-park…in somebody`s car, dunno who though. You guys have been watching too many movies! I doubt Mister Q will find you guys though.'** I sighed in relief and smiled, shuffling further and peered at a Shute.

'**L knows where you all are hiding, but he won`t tell…he finds this funny, and he said after you all had ran, "I trained them well." before getting the hell outta there! He`s actually hiding on the roof, under that big box-thing! Raito was bitching the entire way, before L yelled at him and told him to shut the fuck up or else.'** Beyond continued, I giggled.

'Where does this go?' was my only question. He also looked at the shute, a grin on his face, he shrugged and slid down, cackling the entire way before floating back up to me.

'**The supply room, I think…go on, it`s like a helter-skelter! Go feet 1****st,**** you could cause yourself some serious damage.'** He told me, I nodded, somehow managed to get my feet in front of the shute, I heard Beyond cackling before he pushed me!

'FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!'

-T.B.C-

Tobi: this was a bitch to write out! I have such a shitty life… aaaanywho, here`s the number-thingies!

(1) Star Wars moment…it seemed fitting at the time.

(2) This exact conversation happened at a cosplay thing I went to, I was BB and had a random talk with a Mello and an L.

(3) It`s a good way to pass time…for like, 10 minutes.  
(4) I was watching the movie "Are We There Yet?" and got a brain-wave! Not to mention that it pisses drivers off…especially when you`re sat with some kids in a car and you can`t help but join the game of "Let`s piss off the driver!"  
(5) I always say that. Teacher`s like: Tobi, Jamie, language! And I smile and go: English! Whilst Jamie is far too busy watching the Rev on his phone to even care.  
(6) "Look at all these monies…"  
(7) It`s just what Near would say, hyped up on sugar and all that shiz.  
(8) I hate shopping too…  
(9) My friend Brogan loves that word. Bazinga, it`s from the "Big Bang Theory" if I`m not mistaken…  
(10) Who uses a instruction manual nowadays?  
(11) It probably looks like a scene from "Lion King" when Scar is being evil…or a scene from "Alice in Wonderland" (Tim Burton version) where Cheshire Cat is just grinning as Mad Hatter, Dormouse and Mad March Hare are having a food fight.  
(12) She was too busy getting out of there and immediately thought the worst when she wasn`t being followed out of there.


End file.
